You know I’m really just going to post when I don’t have a day where I had a emotional breakdown about something. Because my freak outs are no new news anymore, Pope being catholic and all those hilarious things.

I’m working on yet another site for this place and HOPEFULLY it’s what get’s me the job. Srsly, I need to be working again. But I’m scrambling to put things together to prove I have enough knowledge. If they ask for anything else after this I’m going to be done.

My carpet still isn’t in the car as it rained most of today. I was THISCLOSE to getting it in but then some complications arose. You’re having problems with your car? you say. That simply cannot be! It also doesn’t account for the fact that my fuel injectors are FILTHY and I haven’t gotten to take care of those yet.

Light at the end of the tunnel: COMIC CON OMG I CANNOT WAIT IT IS GOING TO BE EPICCCC!

My Mood:
Seriously, what the fuck is wrong with people. Some days it’s like I never got out of HS. This is not what I meant when I told people “NEVAR CHANGE”

I think the most recent fix for my carpet is going to work. Granted the vacuum doesn’t fall out of where I ductaped it. It’s pouring out so I won’t really know till the morning but I’m pretty sure it won’t fall. OMG I MIGHT HAVE CARPET IN MY CAR AND SEATS IN TOMORROW. OMG OMG U GUISE. I hope it doesn’t rain.

Also I started a sheet for what I’m going to do with my room and got some really great ideas from an ikea catalog for wall storage. Which should be easy enough to put together from stuff I can pick up at Menards. I might have to paint these shelves I already have but that’s no big deal. OO I should see if I can find a awesome contact paper or do vinyl in a cool design on them. Now I’m doing all kinds of plotting ^.^

I also finally think I’m going to make a cover for my papasan chair. I’m going to get a mix of fabric in the colors I’m doing my room in and going to quilt it together or something. Ooh or I could make it from some of my old sheets. I SHOULD BLEACH THEM AND THEN TIE DYE IT OMG OMG. lol It is a perfect design for something that a site I was on called it a stoner chair. Ok I’m kidding with the tie dye but that would be hilarious and awesome.

Ok it’s been a crazy long day. I need to get some sleep.

I’m having a calm moment right now and catching up on dooce and came across the posts where she got to go to DC and posted some of Michelle’s speech. This part struck me so hard I seriously got all choked up.

And as I’ve said before, I consider myself as many of us in this room do as a 120 Percenter. Which means that if I’m not doing something at 120% I feel like I’m failing. And I know you all can relate to that.- Michelle Obama

This probably explains why I didn’t feel like I did enough at my last job or the reason why I hate getting unemployment. I’m a live-to-work kind of person and while I’m trying to change that it’s still ingrained in who I am.

To say I’ve been sad lately is putting it lightly. Really lightly if I’m being honest. A lot of little things have sent me into emotional tailspins and I’m trying to calm down about everything. I’ve been a panicky mess. I will cry at the drop of a hat and then in like 10 minutes suck it up for a little while but then I end up losing it again. If I could just lay in bed and be sad/mope I would. Not that it would do any good.

I can’t even get away from it at night. Last night I woke up standing by my bedroom door with all the lights on in my room and still terrified. I don’t exactly remember the dream, I remember throwing a cover back on something then being terrified. I haven’t sleepwalked (?) since I was in HS but I remember going through a rough time then. So maybe there is a correlation between my emotional state and sleepwalking. I can say that I really don’t like waking up somewhere other than where I fell asleep. It’s terribly confusing.

Another thing that is going on is my car. I had a gallon of milk go all over the place and unfortunately it hasn’t ended yet. So far I’ve entirely taken out the seats and the front portion of the carpet. I’m so glad the carpet isn’t one big piece. I ended up having to get another carpet and picked one up from a local auto part place that get’s parts from wrecked vehicles. So I only spent $100 but I had to shampoo it before I put it in the car because I had to get the blood and glass up somehow Unfortunately I’m a tard and used WAY too much water so I had to set it up so the water would gtfo.

Gus is wanting me to go to bed and I’m exhausted so I’m giving up for the evening. Here’s hoping I don’t wake up at 4:04 am again (srsly it was 4:04, I giggled and said outloud “error 4:04 sleep not found”

I really didn’t plan to make this post this long. edit:fml I broke the layout. don’t feel like fixing it rn.

this.too.shall.pass
edit: couldn’t size it down far enough so here is the link. it’s a really amazing video
ok I don’t even know what’s going on now.

dear self,
please stop these emotional roller coasters you’re going on.
srsly,
me

NO SRSLY I AM NOT KIDDING. I AM SICK OF CRYING.

going to get my bake on

I woke up feeling very bloggy this morning. I’m not sure why.

I’m the first one up this morning and I really should be going to get my car taken care of so it doesn’t smell like ass anymore. But I decided to have some cake and do this instead.

I called someone I used to work with last week and man it was way harder than I thought it would be. She’s such a great and wonderful person and was asking me how it was going, etc and I just ended up getting off the phone and crying. That day in general was pretty rough but being able to hang out this weekend has been making it better.

What if I can’t find a web design job? I was already told once that I didn’t have enough knowledge in something (which is why I’m learning Joomla) is that going to be the case for everything? Me thinking shit like this sends me into a tailspin and I end up crying.

I can only imagine I’m so emotional because of all the shit that’s happened has collided with my birthday panic attack.